Although we all are North Fork nationalists, we are part of a larger world. Really. This time of year, with the Glorious Fourth upon us, is a time to remember that e pluribus unum.
As North Forkers, we are smart and of course know basic American history, although the rest of our fellow Americans come up shockingly short. A study last year by the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum asked Americans to name the first five freedoms in the Bill of Rights. One in 1,000 could do it.
(Let’s see — Freedom of … and … uh.)
What’s heartening is that the McCormick pollsters found that Americans do know things — 22 percent could name all five members of the Simpson family.
But how much do we truly know about the region where we reside? (Hint: It’s Long Island.) Therefore, in order to record data to be used for official purposes (i.e. filling column inches), Gimme Shelter presents the Great Long Island Knowing Some Stuff Quiz.
Answers at the bottom. Eyes on your own paper. Check your work at the end. Begin … now.
1) What famous animals are buried on Long Island?
a) Ruffian, a thoroughbred, in the infield of Belmont Park, her nose toward the finish line
b) Richard Nixon’s cocker spaniel, Checkers, in Wantagh
c) Mike Tyson’s pet tiger, Angel, buried standing up at an estate in Montauk
2) Where on Long Island did Hannibal Lecter want to live?
a) Old Westbury, because of the super cute gourmet shops
b) Plum Island, because of the views
c) Southampton, because from June to September psychopathic cannibals pass for normal people
3) What famous male writer lived in Northport as an adult with his mother?
a) Walt Whitman: moved back when Mom told him a new Wendy’s was opening near his Huntington house
b) F. Scott Fitzgerald: grounded after being naughty in Great Neck
c) Jack Kerouac: resting up off the road with mama’s home cooking
4) What happened to the Flanders Big Duck?
a) It was eaten by Commack’s Big Vinny
b) Disassembled, it was taken to the Brady C. Jefcoat Museum of Americana in Murfreesboro, North Carolina
c) After a stint in Hampton Bays, it returned to sitting on Flanders Road
5) Name two obnoxious people from Commack.
a) Bob Costas
b) Rosie O’Donnell
c) Doris, Big Vinny’s mother
6) In April, why was Donald Trump on Long Island?
a) He was testifying in court in Riverhead in a case some loser window washer brought against him for theft of services
b) His helicopter took a wrong turn out of Kennedy and headed east. Trump blamed President Obama.
c) Attending a political rally in Patchogue on the same street Marcelo Lucero, an Ecuadorian immigrant, was stabbed to death in a hate crime
7) Who took flight from Roosevelt Field?
a) Charles Lindbergh
b) Jennifer and Haley after picking up these sick peep toes (Jen) and oh my god these amazeball caged booties (Hales) at Nine West and then dropping these tiny orangey-colored barrels with Red Bull
c) Wiley Post
8) What was the subject of Senator’s Charles Schumer’s recent press conference?
a) Demanding facts on a study of the 83-mile coastline between Fire Island and Montauk
b) “Hey, it’s me! Senator Chuck Schumer! Over here! Right, me! Here I am!”
c) Warnings about cleaning your barbecue grill with a metal brush because bad things will happen
9) Where did the “Hicks” in Hicksville originate?
a) Valentine Hicks bought land there in 1834
b) Brady C. Jefcoat and his brother Delbert of Murfreesboro, North Carolina, settled there in 1893 before being run off by dogs and going home to open their Museum of Americana
c) The name is lost to legend
10) Name a spot on Long Island where a presidential debate was held in 2012?
a) Splish Splash, which provided a half-off coupon for a bucket of dippin’ chicken strips at Fry World for the first 20 attendees not wearing swim suits
b) Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, when it was learned it wouldn’t conflict with the National Monster Truck Finals
c) Hofstra University
11) What is Outwash Plain?
a) Code word for a secret strategy document prepared by Congressman Lee Zeldin (R-Shirley) to blame absolutely everything on President Obama
b) Designation of a certain classification of Long Island drinking water
c) Glacial sediment that formed the geology of the South Shore
Answers: (1) a and b (2) b (3) c (4) c (5) a and b (6) c (7) a and c (8) a (9) a (10) c (11) c