GOLF GAZETTE/Jay Dempsey: Need to get through the winter? Try fantasy golf

“Are we there yet?”

You asked your parents that every five minutes while sitting in the backseat during those deathly, never-ending family jaunts. “No dear, we still have a ways to go,” was the answer you received for the umpteenth time.

That question has been on the minds of many this winter. The query, however, does not pertain to arriving at a physical destination. What we would all love to know is how long it will be until we see the arrival of spring. So far, the only hint I’ve seen is the spring edition of my L.L. Bean catalog.

Show of hands if you’re going stir-crazy. I sure as heck am. So much, in fact, that I’ve had to resort to something totally out of character.

Let it be known that your golf guy is a dinosaur when it comes to today’s technology. Yes, I have a cell phone but rarely use it. I know nothing about Facebook or Twitter and have no clue how to send a text message. I’ve been told by many that I need to get with it and get connected. I don’t wanna get with it and I don’t wanna get connected. I’m perfectly happy the way things are and I’m doing just fine, thank you very much. A hi-tech moment for me is watching reruns of “Leave It To Beaver” on my VCR.

However, at the prodding of one of my golf partners, I’ve given in — just a little. To keep from rearranging my sock drawer every other day, in order to fight the doldrums this winter, I’ve signed up for an internet on-line game. “Yahoo Fantasy Golf” has hooked me.

Initially I was a bit apprehensive. Would this open me up for unwanted e-mail solicitations? You know the kind. I’m happily married and not at all interested in meeting singles from Southold, among other things. But so far, so good. Just the familiar regulars are finding their way to my in-box.

I must admit, I’m having a great time picking my PGA golfers each week and it’s simple. It has to be if I can figure it out. Fantasy golf has become a welcome ray of sunshine in this cold and snowy winter of 2011. But don’t get any ideas. You won’t find me on Facebook or catch me sending a text message. Not this Brachiosaurus. And don’t bother asking for my cell phone number.

TEE TIMES I’ve received word from the head golf professional, Eileen McCaffrey, about this year’s leagues at Cherry Creek Golf Links and The Woods at Cherry Creek in Riverhead. The Woods will host three women’s leagues this season. Thursday mornings will have the Women’s 18-Hole League. Contact Pat Murphy at (631) 369-2920. The Thursday Afternoon Women’s 9-Hole Casual Play group should call the pro shop at (631) 506-0777. Also at The Woods on Thursdays will be the EWGA 9-Hole League. Contact Ellen Cohen at (631) 835-9285. At Cherry Creek the men will have a Tuesday Morning Men’s 18-Hole Senior League. Call Ron Murphy at (631) 734-7405. On Friday afternoons, Cherry Creek will host the Men’s 9-Hole Club. Contact Wink at 631-369-6500, ext. 6.

19TH HOLE Special thanks go out to Jake Rajs for updating my mug shot. Amazing how a professional photographer can perform magic and make even the most difficult subject look respectable.

I enjoy watching the Golf Channel, but I’ve got a problem. They do an outstanding job with great programming, talented and informative announcers and offer terrific instruction. Here’s my gripe. This winter, the Golf Channel has programs featuring two of the most self-centered, boring and obnoxious blowhards on the planet, Donald Trump and Rush Limbaugh. Give me a break. Don’t these bozos get enough air time? Do we really need them on the Golf Channel? You can bet I won’t be watching.

“When you take a lesson, the reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you don’t see him laughing.”

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