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2016 Sports Person of the Year: Phil Reed

Phil Reed left behind a lasting legacy. (Credit: Garret Meade, file)
Phil Reed left behind a lasting legacy. (Credit: Garret Meade, file)

A large photo that is kept in Southold athletic director Steve Flanagan’s office captures the real Phil Reed — the one he showed to the world every day. Larger than life, he is surrounded by Southold softball players, wearing a softball helmet and his trademark smile.

“I can’t picture Phil without seeing that smile,” Meehan said. “That’s who he was.”

Phil had a way of bringing smiles out of people, too. Gamberg said Phil was a caring, compassionate man who strived for not only excellence, but goodness. “What was so remarkable was the consistency,” Gamberg said, “the fact that at any given time, every moment that a person would engage with Phil Reed, he came away a better person from that experience with him.”

In his four seasons as Southold’s boys basketball coach, Phil had a 28-40 record, but with him, it wasn’t about the numbers. What really mattered to him were his players. They came first.

“His kids were everything,” Lorraine said. “His players, they could do no wrong.”

That’s what was special about Phil. He was about much more than win-loss records and statistics. That is why The Suffolk Times has decided to honor him posthumously as its 2016 Sports Person of the Year.

Phil worked as a counselor at Maryhaven Center of Hope in Riverhead. He had a knack for providing guidance to young people and an extraordinarily tight bond with his players. They hugged him before heading home after games. He was known for his nightly phone calls to his players. He would chat about anything, how the player’s family was doing, what were they having for dinner.

“It was like, nine o’clock comes around and it’s like, all right, make sure you have everything done because you know you’re getting a call from Coach Reed, and it wouldn’t be like just a little five-minute conversation,” one of his former Southold basketball players, Liam Walker, said. “It’s like an hour conversation, so you’d talk about anything.”

From the star player to the last player on the bench, Phil had a way of connecting with each of them, said those who knew him. Phil’s interest in his players went beyond the playing field or court. “If you could like, morph a father, a mentor and a best friend into one person, it would definitely be Coach Reed,” said Sinclair.

Pat McFarland, a senior on the Southold boys basketball team, said, “Even if you didn’t know him as well, you loved him, because of just how he acted toward everybody.”

As with any coach, Phil was competitive, but he also liked to have fun. Stories are told of him, circled by his players in the locker room before a game, dancing. Johnson said it was like “someone get the music on because this guy wants to dance. And it got us fired up.”

How good of a dancer was he?

“It depends how you define good,” said Johnson, who called Phil one of the greatest people he ever met.

Klavas recalled one time during an open gym session when Phil walked into an equipment room and emerged, riding a tricycle around the basketball court while talking on a phone. “We can’t even focus, and he’s on the phone talking while he’s riding,” said Klavas.

Grigonis is in the rather unique position of having played for Phil as a senior in Phil’s first year at Southold as an assistant coach to Jeff Ellis before becoming a part of the Southold coaching staff himself, working alongside Phil.

“I think Phil had his biggest influence on players’ personal lives, not just what happened on the court,” said Grigonis.

Phil was an excellent recruiter, encouraging players to come out for a team and convincing those contemplating dropping a sport to stay with it. That smile and engaging personality made it hard for people to disappoint him.

Former Southold basketball player Anthony Siracusano said Phil was the one who convinced him to play. Siracusano remembers the first day of preseason practice his freshman year. “Coach Ellis just like ran us to the ground and it totally took me off-guard and I was just like throwing up everywhere,” he said. “I went to the bathroom. I had a migraine. I was a mess. But then Coach Reed comes along and he talked to me for like a half-hour. He was like, ‘I need you to play.’ He made it sound like he really needed you on the team to complete his plan [for] the season. That made me especially really want to play because I didn’t want to disappoint the guy.”

Sinclair said: “To say that he is one of a kind is an understatement because he is by far the most special coach there is. He wasn’t textbook. He did things that worked. I can’t tell you why, but they worked.”

Southold players present flowers to Phil Reed's mother, Laddie, and brother, Elliot, prior to the First Settlers' February game against Shelter Island. (Credit: Garret Meade file)
Southold players present flowers to Phil Reed’s mother, Laddie, and brother, Elliot, prior to the First Settlers’ February game against Shelter Island. (Credit: Garret Meade file)

As well-loved and revered as he was, some self-doubt remained. Phil evidently harbored questions about how well he was doing and what others thought of him. One can hear the aggravation in Lorraine’s voice as she recounts the routine second-guessing Phil expressed to her.

“He wasn’t as secure as people would think,” she said. “He would come home to me and he’d be like, ‘I don’t know if I’m doing a good job. Do you really think that they like me or are they just going along with it?’ You know, he wasn’t as confident as he showed out there. You know, if something went wrong at a game or they didn’t win, he blamed himself.”

Following Phil’s death, the tributes flowed in, evidence of how many lives he had touched. Teams held pregame ceremonies in Phil’s honor, placing a single rose on his seat. His colleagues named him the League VIII coach of the year.

So, how many people did Phil have a positive influence on?

“It’s certainly hundreds,” Gamberg said. “And it becomes that thing where — and they touch others and they touch others.”

Siracusano said: “It gives me chills just, like, thinking about him because it’s like, I don’t think there’s ever going to be someone like him. It’s ridiculous how like just in the small town of Southold, a JV basketball coach could have such an impact on everyone he touched.”

Hilary said, “I don’t think he realized he made all of us a lot better people than we were before we met him.”

“He touched many, many more lives than he realized,” Meehan said. “It would have been wonderful for him to see the tributes that followed. He touched a lot of people. He certainly made his mark, more than he ever would have imagined.”

Miller Place girls basketball coach Joe Read lamented that Phil isn’t around to gain a full appreciation for what people thought of him. “If he could only be here to realize it,” Read said. “His love that he gave was tenfold coming back, but he isn’t here to know it. Somewhere, someplace, I’m hoping he’s getting this vibe because he certainly affected a lot of people.”

Perhaps the one impacted the most has constant reminders of Phil, including one in the form of a teddy bear.

“I loved the man to death,” Lorraine said. “I cry too much.”

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